Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
