Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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