Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
