Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
