I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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