It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
