Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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