I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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