So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
