cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
