I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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