Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
