You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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