I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
