When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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