We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
