oh god the rape fog is back!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
where are you?
Hypothermia
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
