I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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