You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
