If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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