All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
