i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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