We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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