honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
