Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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