I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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