do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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