shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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