Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
