She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
