Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
