just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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