just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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