Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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