will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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