Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize