ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
