apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
