Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
