so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
