You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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