Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
