Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
