i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
