great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
