He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
