I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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