Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize