Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had to cum in my sink.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
