I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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