you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
