if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
