Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
