I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
