The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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