Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
