..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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