Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.

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  (402): I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night. http://tfl.nu/5ggy
  Replies (31) Good night (11896) Bad night (1293)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (3383) Bad night (775)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4372) Bad night (16577)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

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  (440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating http://tfl.nu/7lhs
  Replies (24) Good night (6173) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..

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  (631): My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms.. http://tfl.nu/s1m5
  Replies (15) Good night (4655) Bad night (782)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.

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  (570): You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol. http://tfl.nu/n8ii
  Replies (11) Good night (954) Bad night (3438)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (71) Good night (8109) Bad night (1720)
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  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (38) Good night (3882) Bad night (1677)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

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  (203): apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis http://tfl.nu/rw8g
  Replies (2) Good night (4481) Bad night (752)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."

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  (423): He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.." http://tfl.nu/dapq
  Replies (10) Good night (2737) Bad night (1482)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted

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  (250): Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted http://tfl.nu/o9wr
  Replies (5) Good night (1426) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus

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  (203): I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus http://tfl.nu/joo2
  Replies (12) Good night (654) Bad night (364)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.

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  (505): I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp. http://tfl.nu/vrdl
  Replies (3) Good night (563) Bad night (290)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick

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  (541): well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick http://tfl.nu/a9oc
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.

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  (609): 17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me. http://tfl.nu/mvi8
  Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (1207)

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