Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.