I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.