then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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