I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....