it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
